It's Hard Being a Shark

A few years ago, I sat in a grant information meeting with a new funding source that was focused on reducing poverty. The presenter kept going on and on about how they really want to see applicants partner together. Collaborate.

In a rare moment of losing control and poise, I raised my hand to speak and kissed that funding goodbye.

“You keep telling us that we should collaborate to apply for this funding, but you aren’t telling us what that looks like. Instead, you’re telling us everything we need to know to compete against one another for the funding. There’s 50 of us in this room, and only 10 grants are being given out. We’re not thinking about collaboration. We’re eyeing each other up like it’s Shark Week.”

I don’t even remember how the presenter responded - I usually black out when my adrenaline spikes like that. I do remember that the answer wasn’t satisfactory - and I didn’t apply for the funding.

The reality is that collaboration isn’t fostered by many funding models. It’s preached, but it isn’t supported. The pie still feels too small. Two or three organizations go in together to get the same amount that one of them could get on their own. 

Collaboration feels too great a sacrifice when you’re already rubbing pennies together as it is.

But funding is only the tip of the iceberg. If funders did start pursuing collective impact strategies or supported coalition-building, players still may not know how to play the game. 

It’s hard to start working as a team when you’ve had to be a shark for so long. 

Most of us didn’t learn collaboration from team projects in school. We learned delegation. One person took charge, everyone else completed their assigned piece, and we called it teamwork. 

We consistently rinse and repeat this cycle in our work. 

The leader of the group tells us what to do - we do it. 

The boss tells us what to do - we do it. 

The funder tells us what to do - we do it. 

We rarely have the opportunity to step back and see how our actions connect in the broader system. We operate as our own puzzle pieces, occasionally trying to fit together, but without the picture on the lid for reference. 

Ironically, many of us do already know how to collaborate.

We learn it on sports teams, in orchestras, in families, in neighborhoods, and in friendships. We learn how to trust, recover from mistakes, make space for others, and work toward something bigger than ourselves. 

Then we come to work  - and somehow those skills stop counting. 

Why don’t these other experiences translate to our work? Experiences that teach us about trust, resilience, growth mindsets, and love? 

Somewhere along the way, those parts of ourselves get left at the door. We don’t talk much about trust, love, resilience, or even care at work - even though they’re often the very things that make collaboration possible. 

In each of these settings, we see ourselves as part of a larger whole. The quarterback may be the leader, but the running back can help get the ball over the goal line. The oboe has a featured solo, but the strings, brass, and percussion are part of the orchestra too. 

Success depends less on individual performance than on how well each part responds to the others. 

Maybe collaboration in the work feels difficult not because we’re bad at it, but because we’ve spent years practicing something else:

Competition. Independence. Ownership. 

Survival.

We’ve been conditioned to be sharks when really, we’re part of an entire ecosystem. Coral reefs. Schools of fish. Crabs and lobsters. And yes… sharks.

Ecosystems aren’t simple. They’re diverse, interdependent, and constantly adapting. Every species has a role to play. The health of the whole depends on far more than the strength of any one part. 

Maybe that’s true for communities, too – and we’ve been studying collaboration in the wrong places all along.

The questions I keep coming back to:

• What skills do we need to develop to look out for one another, instead of just ourselves?

• Where do we learn about collaboration? How do we carry those learnings into our work?

This idea is part of ongoing exploration through The Work Between - a space for nonprofits, funders and communities to reflect on how we learn together and shift systems for the common good.